Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
