i wish there were pregnant emoticons
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
