I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
