just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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