I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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