I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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