OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
