You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Boobs speak an international language.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
