I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
