She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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