1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
