i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
