We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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