I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
