I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
