he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
