: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I could fuck to npr.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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