One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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