what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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