i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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