You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
