I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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