Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
