awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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