brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
