I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She said her name was "party"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
