def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
