uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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