Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
