you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
