Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
