omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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