Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
