Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
