I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
