Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
