he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
