not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Life is so much better after having sex.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
