Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
