I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
