i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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