for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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