Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize