all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
