Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
