Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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