come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
