I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
