just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
