Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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