i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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