i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
FUCK WHALES
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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