Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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