dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
