My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You are a genius and a whore.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
