He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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