my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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