You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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