my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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