i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
there is glitter all over my balls
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
