doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I touched a dick in church today
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