Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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