East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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