all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
