I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
