By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
