YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
