How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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