Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
