a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
